Opening Up

by - Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Here I am, sitting at this desk once again. 
Hello computer
Hello mouse
Hello friends

Since my last post, I fell into a horrible place.

There is no one to blame but myself.

It started when the thought of being sick everytime I ate FILLED my mind with just that.
I started to MAKE myself sick even when nothing was wrong.
It was bad, it was sick.
It was an eyeopener how powerful your mind can be.

For the last 3 months, my anxiety and my mind took me over.
It pulled me 
D
O
W
N

Days you would find me laying on the couch in a daze.
I stopped eating as much as I normally would
I had no energy
scared
scared that anything I ate I would feel sick
scared I ate something that made my heart race

Then, when it got to the point where any pain I felt 
I thought I was going to have a heart attack
I thought something was deeply wrong
I thought the unthinkable

I didn't want to be alone
I couldn't be alone
I found myself in a scary place

It took me a while to realize what was happening

During those 3 months
I stopped enjoying things I loved
I stopped adventures
Weight training
Writing
BLOGGING
Everything came to a hault

I lost myself.
I lost my soul.

I couldn't allow this to happen to me
So, I took control.

I got in contact with friends I lost touch with
I dyed my hair
I paid for my gym membership
I started eating the foods I love
and slowly 
parts of myself started to return home
My ipod is on again
I'm off on weekend adventures
exploring the island
signing up for 5ks
Laughing
getting intouch with my soul

Now, I'm starting to feel like the old me
the me that started this blog
the me that laughs at the worst jokes
the me that dreams big
the me that lives on cloud 9
the me that feels
the me that loves
the me that I was born to be.

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4 comments

  1. I love this post. The ending was perfect.

    -M
    The Life of Little Me

    ReplyDelete
  2. Louann, wow... I think this is part of what I have been feeling, I need to take control.. it's tough when everything is overwhelming... one thing at a time right. (the good thing is that I feel 100% physically except I have no stamina, that happens when you stop exercising... it is like starting over as you know...) It's good to hear you are feeling better, that is wonderful, keep working at it, I will too xox

    ReplyDelete
  3. Girl, I can relate to so much of what you said. I'm trying to dig myself out of this hole that I created and it's been tough. But, you are right, getting back to the things that I once loved has been a big help. Blogging is and will always be free therapy for me. :)

    ReplyDelete

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